Pendants and Predictions: Too A lot, Too Quickly for Dallas Cowboys’ Micah Parsons?

Whether or not you’re on the finish of your espresso, your day, your week and even your rope, welcome to Whitt’s Finish …

*It’s not the $50,000 diamond pendant, it’s all this chirping by Micah Parsons about breaking the NFL’s single-season sack document that’s making me cringe.

We heard comparable braggadocio from the 2020 NFL Defensive Rookie of the 12 months, Washington’s Chase Younger a 12 months in the past. And look how that turned out. Younger was ineffective (1.5 sacks in 9 video games) earlier than getting injured (torn ACL).

I don’t consider in “soccer Gods”, however I do suspect opposing groups will make particular effort to stop the Cowboys’ pass-rusher from flirting with any such document.

*To cite Seinfeld’s “Elaine Benes” throughout a light-bulb second illuminated with each readability and involuntary humility: “Is it doable I’m not as enticing as I feel I’m?”

Possibly it’s our triple-digit Summers. The dwarfing shadow forged by Jerry Jones and the Dallas Cowboys. Or maybe we should always blame the American Airways Middle’s leaky roof.

Regardless, it’s time – but once more – for Dallas to have an Elaine awakening: “The Mavs are a big-market outfit, however not a glamorous one.”

And, no, they aren’t almost as enticing as they consider. Rinse. Repeat.

Simply ask Jalen Brunson, the most recent NBA marquee free agent to say no the Mavs’ invitation to make $100+ million enjoying basketball in Dallas. Whereas one of many stars of final season’s run to the Western Convention Finals bolted for the New York Knicks with out even entertaining a gathering with proprietor Mark Cuban, the Mavs are left with a defeatist déjà vu:

Not solely do they yearly whiff on their No. 1 free-agent targets, they haven’t signed a participant – aside from Luka Doncic – they drafted to a second contract since Josh Howard in 2003.

Yikes.

The Mavs will probably try and tamp down Thursday’s colossal failure by ridiculously claiming they weren’t allowed to make a suggestion (um, all final season?), with re-tread middle JaVale McGee, the promise of 36-year-old Goran Dragic and cries of “tampering!” by the Knicks. It’ll all ring hole, as a result of we’ve been upset by these cries of “wolf” for 20+ years.

DFW followers know all too properly the roll name of stars the Mavs publicly courted however finally couldn’t shut: Deron Williams … Dwight Howard … Chris Paul … LeBron James … Carmelo Anthony … DeAndre Jordan … Hassan Whiteside … Kawhi Leonard … Kyle Lowery … Jalen Brunson.

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As an alternative, Cuban has wound up buying Plan – C? – guys comparable to Chris Kaman … Elton Model … Darren Collison … O.J. Mayo … Devin Harris … Samuel Dalembert … Zaza Pachulia … Reggie Bullock.

When Cuban purchased the keys in 2000 he boasted that elite free brokers would flock to Dallas as a result of, partly, he was gamers’ proprietor that may each battle for them and pamper them with fluffy robes and lockers accessorized with DVD gamers.

Actuality: Due to their free-agent failures, the Mavs received just one championship regardless of having one of many planet’s finest 10 gamers (Dirk Nowitzki) for the higher a part of 21 years.

Are in addition they about to waste Luka?

Mentioned Cuban a 12 months in the past, “Gamers need to play with Luka. And from what I’m listening to from them … so much.”

“Gamers”, that’s, excluding his profitable backcourt working mate.

By means of the years the Mavs promised they had been “holding our powder” dry and breaking apart the 2011 title roster solely to take advantage of a looming “nuclear winter” of salary-cap alternative. Regardless of all of the proclamations and positioning, the largest free-agent signing of the Cuban period is …

Chandler Parsons.

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There have been singles – Monta Ellis, Peja Stojakovic and Vince Carter – however by no means the trajectory-altering grand-slam homer.

And don’t even begin with the potential “connections” to Kevin Durant, Kyrie Irving, et al. At this level it’s not the free brokers which might be flawed, it’s us.

Right here we “oh” once more. Proper, Miss Benes?

*The arrival of July means the tip of June, and the passing of one other “Delight Month” with nary an acknowledgement from the Texas Rangers. They proceed the excellence of being the one Main League Baseball staff to by no means acknowledge – a lot much less have a good time – its LGBTQ followers. (Possibly they suppose Charley Delight bobblehead evening in April counts?) No manner round it: the Rangers are probably the most closed-minded, least inclusive sports activities franchises in America. Their official staff hashtag most likely has nothing to do with shameless catering to its cherished demographic. Or does it? #StraighUpTX

*You’ve seen one fireworks present, you’ve appear ’em all. No actually, if I confirmed you video of fireworks within the sky you wouldn’t be capable of inform the 1982 present from the one you’re going to crane your neck to see Monday evening. Fireworks – like automotive wheels that look like spinning backward after I know for certain they’re rolling ahead – actually eff with my thoughts. It appears to be like like they’re all the time bursting towards me, however that may’t be true. Can it?

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*Keep in mind when Lincoln Riley turning into head coach of USC was going to return the Pac 12 to energy? Two seasons from now Southern Cal and UCLA will play within the Massive Ten and the West Coast’s main convention might be left piecing collectively scraps. I predict Texas and Oklahoma will now expedite their departure from the Massive 12 to the SEC to coincide and by 2024, faculty soccer might be a two-conference sport.

*I say this as a child who within the Nineteen Eighties was mesmerized by the cutting-edge expertise of “Pong”: Digital Actuality is gorgeous. Slapped on a headset final week and actually misplaced my steadiness and nearly fell down as I “ran” from zombies. Extra actuality than digital.

*Sizzling.

*Not.

*Appears like I say this too usually however but not sufficient: Contemplating Brunson leaving us excessive and dry, now will we respect Dirk’s unyielding loyalty to Dallas?

*Ooh, that is going to drive a whole lot of conservative Texans bonkers. Our state’s prettiest woman is … Asian?

*You’re not the one one who overthinks issues. Rangers’ supervisor Chris Woodward flipped Marcus Semien and Corey Seager within the lineup Tuesday, simply to shake issues up. The outcome: They mixed for 5 hits, together with a three-run homer by Semien in an 8-3 victory. Right here’s betting Woodward’s lineup will return to “regular” when Texas visits the Mets for a collection in New York this weekend.

*Talking of my pint-sized sportswriter mind not having the ability to comprehend something extra complicated than a field rating, I’m continuously amazed by software program gizmos like Waze and Shazam. The music-identifying app works nearly sooner than you possibly can press the “Faucet” button. (For the document, I Shazammed “Chunky” by Format B.)

*Betting thresholds for Cowboys’ quarterback Dak Prescott this season: 4,500 yards, 34.5 touchdowns and 10.5 interceptions. Contemplating his final two full seasons have produced a mean of 4,675 yards, 33.5 touchdowns and 10.5 interceptions, I’d …. say Las Vegas wasn’t constructed by dummies.

*Sorry to these of you who demand eight hours of sleep – you recognize who you’re – however medical consultants are actually saying seven is the candy spot. Alter your alarms accordingly. I do know you’ll.

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*The Suns’ Devin Booker signed a four-year, $214 contract extension and has been chosen as the duvet boy for the NBA 2K23 online game. Think about what he would’ve been given had he not missed 11 of 14 pictures with 4 turnovers and recorded a plus/minus of a staggering -41 within the Recreation 7 house blowout loss to the Mavs.

*Wait, why was Dennis Rodman boppin’ round The Star in Frisco this week, and he tipped how a lot on a $15 tab?

*Gone, endlessly? Baseball pitch-outs, and freeway drivers flashing their lights to warn you of an upcoming velocity entice.

*Variety of American deaths in 2021: Troopers, 13; Police, 62; Firefighters, 141; Kids below 18 by weapons, 1,560.

*Texas Longhorns’ first baseman Ivan Melendez dominated faculty baseball this season, hitting .367 with 32 homers and 94 RBI in solely 69 video games. He additionally, nonetheless, was bestowed one of many worst nicknames within the historical past of sports activities: “Hispanic Titanic.” Final time I checked, the Titanic was one of many worst disasters within the historical past of mankind. The large steamship sank in 1912, killing 1,500 folks within the icy waters of the Atlantic Ocean. Melendez’ moniker touts him as an enormous hitter that finally might be an enormous failure?

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